Confessions of a Barry Manilow fan....

Weekend in New England

Last night I wave goodbye

Now its seems years

I'm back in the city

Where nothing is clearBut thoughts of me holding you

Bringing us near

And tell me

When will our eyes meet?

When can I touch you?

When will this strong yearning endAnd when will

I hold you again

Time in New England

Took me away

To long rocky beaches

And you by the bay

We started a story

Who's end must now wait

And tell me

When will our eyes meet?
When can I touch you?
When will this strong yearning endAnd when will
I hold you again

I feel the change comingI feel the wind blow

I feel brave and daring

I feel my blood flow

With you I could bring out

All the love that I have

With you there's a heaven

So earth ain't so bad

And tell me

When will our eyes meet?
When can I touch you?
When will this strong yearning endAnd when will
I hold you again

Ready To Take A Chance Again

You remind me

I live in a shell,

Safe from the past,and doing' okay,but not very well.

No jolts, no surprises,

No crisis arises:

My life goes along as it should,it's all very nice,but not very good.

And I'm Ready To Take A Chance Again,

Ready to put my love on the line with you.

Been living with nothing to show for it;

You get what you get when you go for it,

And I'm Ready To Take Chance Again with you.

When she left me in all my despair,

I just held on,

My hopes were all gone.

Then I found you there.

And I'm Ready To Take A Chance Again

Ready To Take A Chance Again with you,

With you.

Mandy
Oh Mandy

well,You came and you gave without taking,

But I sent you away.

Oh, Mandy

well,Kissed me and stopped me from shaking,

And I need you today.

Oh, Mandy!

I won’t lie – when I was a kid, I was a DIE HARD Barry Manilow fan – hell, I still kind of am – but only the old stuff, not the new.

I used to sit in front of my mother’s stereo and listen to the Barry Manilow Live Album OVER AND OVER AND OVER again. I used to pretend I was going to marry him and we’d live happily ever after. Certainly someone as romantic as he must have been to write the songs that he did would love me, right? Well, I believed that as a kid. Little did I know then that I didn’t really come with the right parts for him (or so I think!)

But I listened to these 3 songs this morning on my drive to work. I believed as a kid in real, honest to God romance. I believed in someone coming to sweep me off of my feet. I believed in the marriages I saw on TV – with families that while crazy, were very much in love with each other. I believed that someday, someone would love me as much as I knew that I could love back. I believed that someone would simply ache for me the way that I would ache for them.

The sad truth is that at 33, I’ve never had that. I’ve never had someone love me as much as I loved them – or as much as I am able to love. And that reality hurts. A lot.

There is a program on NPR called this I believe and I love it. I love listening to the hope (for the most part) that people believe in because I have that hope. I believe in the goodness of people and I believe in love. Real, true love. Even though I have never known it.

It is my own challenge to believe that it is just because I haven’t found it yet and not because it doesn’t exist for me – because I am somehow unworthy of it. It is that with which I struggle – to stay positive. To continue to believe in my own worth and ability to be loved.

I continue to believe.